Questions

Many years ago I dreamed about a door in the heavens. It's hard to describe, but it was like looking up into the starry night and seeing all these stars and then a black area. The black area was actually a door. As I looked at this I heard a voice saying that once that door was opened I could never go back. I had this dream several times until finally I opened the door.

The one concept that I could never understand while growing up was how someone could not believe in God. I'm in the south, everyone around me went to church and the few that didn't would at least give lip service to the concept that there was a god and most of them had a general passing knowledge of Christianity. Besides, with all the wonders of creation around us and the more that I learned in science the more I actually believed there was no other way besides devine intervention. So what was the revelation behind the door?

As I went through the door I began to understand how someone could not believe. So what? It then became a choice for me to believe. I had never had that before. My mind was opened to possibilities that I had never explored before. It's strange to discuss, for me now, that I actually have a choice on a regular basis, to believe or not believe. To realize that I could walk away from all that I have embraced for many years. One decision.

At times I've not been pleased to have had that revelation. For about ten years I did walk away from it. Many things that I did were done with the knowledge that I was deliberately walking into sin with no regret at the time. No excuses. I'm not proud of what I did, but I think it did make it easier when I did come face to face with my sin that I didn't make excuses..... okay maybe a few, but overall, I knew I made those choices and I was alone responsible for my sin.

Now.... I am totally a grace and mercy loving person. I know that many people consider me a fool for my beliefs. I know that when I wonder about where would I be had I not made some choices or had I been born on the east coast or to different parents or....... all in all, I'm so glad that I did made the choices I did. God will use me in spite of who I am. And for those that would judge me for being honest, yes, I sinned, then they need to wonder what Jesus wrote in the sand. I know I don't want my sin exposed without the grace / mercy of Jesus covering it.