More Journal or the Church in Exile or Mean People Suck

God has such a sense of humour. I've been rereading much of what I've journaled and would like to add more. I'm still in amazement of what all has occured.

To begin, please realize I have much respect for people in ministry yet I realize they are only human. I have at least one son going into ministry and I do know that child. Also please know that I find this situation appaling, however, this is not typical of the church and I don't want to feed anyone's "this is why I'm our of church" anger. We make our own choices and so do the people in the church. Any church.

The AP resigned, or as the pastor said, "He quit!" No need to mention why, that wasn't the point the pastor wanted to make. Funny thing how God provides, AP was offered a job the next day, they have missed no meals. There was a vote of confidence at the church, pastor won by 8 votes... not so confident but it was a win. He then fired youth minister and music minister that week. My oldest son took his keys and letter of resignation from all his activities to the church as soon as he heard (this was Friday). On Monday I wrote a letter resigning my spouse, myself and youngest son (he taught a Sunday School class) from anything we were involved in. I sat on those until Wednesday to make sure I had everything in the letter that I wanted. No need to rush, lest things be said in anger that shouldn't or that in haste something was left out.

These were sent to the church by email and given to the pastor on Wednesday, then I drove out of town for a funeral. On my return that afternoon I recieved word that the pastor had resigned. This was confirmed later that week.

Now, one would think that if the pastor resigned the week after firing these other men that the church would want them back. They didn't do that. In fact, I can't understand anything the remaining people are doing. Seems that since all the leadership is gone, the deacons are making decisions they aren't supposed to make and not bringing anything to the congregation.

Back to the title, the Church in Exile...... what has occured is that many of the people want to be together, they want to be under the leadership of the AP, YM and MM. So for a time we are meeting at a room under a bowling alley, just gathering to be together. AP has been teaching, we don't know what it means but many of us feel like minded about this: if we were in a marriage and the man came to the woman and said, "I don't love you any more, get out." Could she honestly go from there and the next week look for a new husband? How can we look for a new church when we are so conflicted about what has happened? So this is a time of healing.

The rumours are anywhere from funny (pastor is getting death threats) to infuriating (pastor is getting death threats)... no, there are many rumours. Sadly, people are believing many of them. I don't understand how people can believe so much gossip about people they have known for years. At this point I'm inclined to wonder about the level of depth in these people. Maybe they aren't reading the word to understand how to relate to one another.

Enough for one night. I rejoice that evil will not win. I am not calling pastor evil lest I be misunderstood. Pastor is leaving town, the damage to a formally respectable church is continuing. It is really sad, but then, God will be glorified.

Questions

Many years ago I dreamed about a door in the heavens. It's hard to describe, but it was like looking up into the starry night and seeing all these stars and then a black area. The black area was actually a door. As I looked at this I heard a voice saying that once that door was opened I could never go back. I had this dream several times until finally I opened the door.

The one concept that I could never understand while growing up was how someone could not believe in God. I'm in the south, everyone around me went to church and the few that didn't would at least give lip service to the concept that there was a god and most of them had a general passing knowledge of Christianity. Besides, with all the wonders of creation around us and the more that I learned in science the more I actually believed there was no other way besides devine intervention. So what was the revelation behind the door?

As I went through the door I began to understand how someone could not believe. So what? It then became a choice for me to believe. I had never had that before. My mind was opened to possibilities that I had never explored before. It's strange to discuss, for me now, that I actually have a choice on a regular basis, to believe or not believe. To realize that I could walk away from all that I have embraced for many years. One decision.

At times I've not been pleased to have had that revelation. For about ten years I did walk away from it. Many things that I did were done with the knowledge that I was deliberately walking into sin with no regret at the time. No excuses. I'm not proud of what I did, but I think it did make it easier when I did come face to face with my sin that I didn't make excuses..... okay maybe a few, but overall, I knew I made those choices and I was alone responsible for my sin.

Now.... I am totally a grace and mercy loving person. I know that many people consider me a fool for my beliefs. I know that when I wonder about where would I be had I not made some choices or had I been born on the east coast or to different parents or....... all in all, I'm so glad that I did made the choices I did. God will use me in spite of who I am. And for those that would judge me for being honest, yes, I sinned, then they need to wonder what Jesus wrote in the sand. I know I don't want my sin exposed without the grace / mercy of Jesus covering it.